Putting Hallmark Out Of Business

I'm going with the "top ten moments," as everyone else in the blogosphere has beaten me to the "top ten games" punch. Bastards.

10. Zilla Returns
Much like a coffee date with an ex to "gain closure," Olie's return was bittersweet and awkward. Kolzig is my all time favorite Cap, and one the franchise's most beloved players; he has just about every club goaltending record, 300 wins, and a devil of a left hook. "Devil of a ____" I may be channeling my late paternal grandfather. Olie's video tribute left nary a dry eye in the Phone Booth. In fact, if his salute/half wave to the crowd didn't make you lachrymose, you just might be an emotionless asshole. Or Jason Bourne. Take your pick.

9. Techie's Big Day
There isn't much more to be said about the desk jockey turned NHL backup. I'd sell my kidneys to have such luck.

8. Plug and Play Hockey
With half of the payroll kicking it on the IR, some of the scrubs depth players got time to shine in the big time. Chris Bourque scored his first NHL marker. Tyler Sloan drew a nine minute power-play (which WAS NOT converted.) I'm still kind of pissed about that. Aucoin made some things happen, too. Think of the rest by yourself.

7. The Water Bottle Incident
This is the one time I regret not bringing my super-telephoto with me to the 400 level. I had a chance to capture Torts at his being's core, and I missed it. I'm generally against spiking one's drink with benzos, but you can't tell me that Torts wouldn't be a skosh more tolerable after a cup of Valium coffee. By the way, his tantrum is four times funnier in french.

6. Ovechkin's Goal Against the Slugs
This goal -- not those against Montreal or the Rags -- is my favorite of the 08/09 season. It was an impressive, full court effort -- three guys, from his own zone, falling down. The end.

5. Enter Czarlamov
Bruce's biggest payoff was born of a nearly reckless decision to yank Theo for game two against the Rags. That same decision produced the series MVP. Lundqvist who? By the way, I'm not a fan of "The Iron Curtain" -- not exactly an original nickname for a Russian keep.

4. Dueling Hatties
Anytime a generational talent and a whining, over-hyped but talented douche bag score six goals over three periods... That's good Hockey. The Caps won: That's great Hockey.

3. Gordo's GWG
I was sitting in Bugsy's watching the Caps fall apart when I realized I had to take a $30 piss. To that point, the Caps had played like junkies in withdrawal, and it looked like our boys were in for another shelling at the hands of the Black and Gold. Down 3-0 on the road...
Ovechkin was playing like a checking winger, not a superstar. The rest of the team just looked like crap. Upon my return, the Caps had gotten themselves back into the game. Then Gordo scored on a wrister. It was lovely. Mike Lange was irritated. I've always liked Mike Lange, though.

2. Feds' Game Seven Doozie
Continuing with the 50s slang, we now look at Feds' imitation of Alex Ovechkin's pull up/use the D as a screen wrister.
/Series.

1. Mo's OT Winner
It wasn't a miracle, but it was one hell of a game. After overcoming a four goal deficit, the Caps sent the game into sudden death OT. Morrisonn -- not traditionally an offensive dynamo -- took a rebound slapper from the top of the circle. Goodbye. Game over. Merry Christmas, and God bless America.

Mo had the sweetness.

Easter Egg Du Jour

Whether yellow liberal, or reactionary right-winger, international promotion via the most powerful man in the world isn't a terrible thing for this franchise. I approve.

Pro Liberate

"Pro liberate"
--The the last words of William Wallace

We're very lucky. Let's be grateful for that.




Flags, fireworks, BBQ, bacon cheeseburgers, hot dogs, pool parties, your cute next door neighbor in last year's, too small swim suit ... Happy 4th.

Yes, I cheated.

Oh, and congrats once more to Tim Thomas. How often do we get to see an American win an individual award?

Sing it with me:
"Fare thee well going away
There's nothing left to say
Farewell to New York City boys
To Boston and PA
He took them out
With a well-aimed clout
He was often heard to say
I'm a free born man of the USA"

I know The Pogues are dirty Brits, but it was either this or Lee Greenwood. Frankly, I prefer folk-punk.

Say Goodbye to Hiroshima, Say Goodbye My Baby

We at TTT wish The Donald luck in his quest for greener pastures.

A look at some of his more entertaining moments in Washington:

Swedes May Safely Graze

Most Swedish superstars in the NHL are walking on three legs: Sundin, Naslund, Lidstrom, Holmstrom, Nylander, and Alfredsson are all past their primes. Mr. Glass has been useless for some time. As talented as Lundqvist, Zetterberg, and Franzen undoubtedly are, three men aren't enough to carry a generation. Luckily for them, the pipeline won't dry out any time soon.


Lost in all of the hype over Tavares, Hedman, and Duchene is the fact that during the last few years, the quantity and quality of Swedish prospects has ridden an enormous high. Seven Swedes -- a number equal to the last three years combined, and a new record for the Yellow and Blue -- were selected in the first round of this year's entry draft.

Sweden produced an average of 1.2 first rounders between 2001 and 2005, and not one Swede was taken in the first round of the 2004 draft. None of the first round selections during those five years were anything to write home about; Robert Nilsson is probably the best of the bunch. In the last four years, though, Sweden has produced an average of 3.5 players taken in the first round, including Nick Backstrom and Victor Hedman as the headlining acts.

Incidentally, the Caps have chosen a Swede in the first round of the draft for three of the last four years: Backstrom in 2006, Gustafsson in 2008, and Johansson in 2009.

It's a good time to love Swedish hockey.

One more thing: You know the joke about the dumb Swede who drives on the wrong side the interstate and peels the shells off of M&M's?

Obviously #1 is the highest pick.
--Victor Hedman

Well, we don't draft them for their deductive reasoning.

Planet Earth (Still) Wouldn't Mourn The Loss Of P. McGuire

When it comes to Pierre Mcguire, we at TTT like to get our jabs in whenever the opportunity presents itself; these opportunities tend to knock on our site door quite often. I could expound upon his cretinous stances on fighting and headshots, but Mad Mike has already done a decent enough job: "Go back behind the glass, Pierre. Go back behind the glass." See? Listening to Milbury doesn't always decimate one's IQ. I can't believe I'm saying this, but Milbury might be the lesser moron -- his inability to produce a single complex thought notwithstanding.

There is just no easy way for me to say that Pierre is a giant hemorrhoid on the ass of humanity who wouldn't be missed if only he had the decency to off himself. Oh, wait...

Pierre has the Caps snagging Landon Ferraro 24th overall, which wouldn't be a terrible pick.
Remember how awesome Joey Motzko was? Unless you believe Eric Fehr is the second coming of Todd Bertuzzi (before his inability to play well in the new NHL shone through), it's safe to say the system is a little thin on right wingers. By the way, how many years has Fehr been considered "a power forward/thirty goal scorer 'just waiting to happen'"? Yep.

Should it ever become apparent that Pierre nailed this pick, we'll ignore his possible managerial talent. Should this pick blow up in his face... every arsenal needs ammo. Just so we're clear, BB's still count as "ammo."

Better Off Red

Put this in the cringe-worthy headline hall of fame. I'm sorry.
In addition to being the better looking guy, Backstrom's red sweater looks better than Ovie's white -- at least on the cover of a video game. Behold:

Maybe this will be incentive enough not to come to training camp as Dumbo's body double.
In other news, it's taken two years, but we at TTT have finally changed the site layout to reflect the Caps' uniform change. I had too many celebratory photos of guys in red to justify keeping the aged, black site banner -- not that it was particularly aesthetically pleasing.
We'll see how it goes.